A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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