woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
