sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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