Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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