vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
