im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
