they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
