remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
