Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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