i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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