A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
