its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
