Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
