You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
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Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize