thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
