I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
