Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize