Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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