You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
