His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
