I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Randomize
