Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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