So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
