your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
