Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
