Whod you bang
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
