Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.

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(209): View more from California

Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?

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(845): View more from New York

beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween

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(773): View more from Illinois

I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.

(847): View more from Illinois

Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.

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(816): View more from Missouri

That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again

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(707): View more from California

He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...

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(757): View more from Virginia

She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.

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