Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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