what day is it and did you see me today?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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