Please, let me fuck your mom
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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