that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
