i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
