The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So drunk its hurt
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
