ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
