just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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