I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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