Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
