I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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