Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My bed smells like the plague
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
