Ambien. No doubt about it.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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