Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
