not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
This is my gift to your gina
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
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