I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
