I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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