I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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