No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
