no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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