is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
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