Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
