you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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