Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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