GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
