Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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