Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
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We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
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