watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
