he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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