i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Brb crying the tears of my youth
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
