great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
