my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So many bounce houses so little time
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
