My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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