Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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