you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
