So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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