Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
