its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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