she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
