My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
