She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
