I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
