Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I did not marry a roomba.
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