fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
