Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
