i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
