just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
