Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
