LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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