You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
