Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
